More Freebie Ice Cream at Haagen Dazs


peanut-butter-brittleToday, Tuesday May 12th from 4-8pm they’ll be handing out free scoops of ice cream at the single lonely Haagen-Dazs location here in the PNW, found right in middle of the totally inconvenient U-district. And while I love me some tasty creamy premium ice cream, haven’t we heard that nothing is really ever free…

  1. First you get to drive into the U-district, where jaywalking is a way of life and bike laws apply to nobody but you.
  2. After circling the destination for what feels like an hour, you may even be rewarded with a parking spot, but it’ll cost you a fortune, from fees, fines or freeloading panhandlers promising to “keep an eye on your ride.”
  3. Next you will be subjected to waiting in lines the hordes of stoned (weed/aderall/ridalin), (yet hung-over), non-tipping (cheap bastards), freebie-demanding (greedy), loud (even with those i-pod earphones jammed halfway into your cerebellum, I can still hear the buzzing of the jonas brothers. ew.), and ungrateful teenagers who have been fed by delusional parents, filled with outrageous lies about how the world owes them, how wonderful/beautiful/smart they are and that they always deserve to win (wrong. Only one winner wins. Everything after that is the loser, loser.)
  4. Only now do you realize that the fine print stated that only “bee-built” ice cream flavours are included in the promotion, and they ran out of that an hour ago. When did the bees stop making honey and start squirting ice cream out their butts? I get it now. This was all a joke, wasn’t it?

Better Idea: Stop by the grocery store on your way home and pick up the Haagen Dazs Limited Edition Peanut Butter Brittle. We’re talking peanut butter ice cream, a ribbon of peanut buttery goodness and big ol’ chunks of peanut butter brittle. Yes, it’s a peanut butter explosion of ice cream delight.


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