Hell’s Kitchen Burns with my Love

08Feb09

hells-kitchen

My Dreamy British Heartthrob, the divine Chef Gordon Ramsey, has returned to Fox for another round (5th season for those counting) of Hell’s Kitchen. If you’re new to the planet, you’ll need to dive into this foody reality show which pits 16 wannabe chefs against each other in culinary battle to impress the stubborn perfectionist Chef Gordon Ramsey. Winners receive a coveted Senior Chef position at a high-end restaurant, this season’s prize location is at the Borgata Hotel & Casino in Atlantic City.

With such a big list of budding cheffies, there’s no need to get too involved at this stage of the game. I usually wait until at least half of them are gone before investing much opinion. However, there are always a few notables early on, those who have managed to insult, sicken or offend Chef Ramsey, provoking a fiery curse-laden rampage that’d make a trucker blush. Our favourites:

lacey-hells-kitchen Lacey, aka Sad Pony. This little peach made her first appearance notable by making the bold claim that she oft found herself on the bad end of jealousy from friends and foes alike. This, due to her beautiful good looks. Honestly. She actually said it. Take another look. She just doesn’t have equestrian features, I’m fairly certain she’s actually been cross-bread with a horse. An ugly one too. Worse yet, she’s a crier. She’s managed to find a way to explode in heaving, snotty bursts of tears at least once an episode. To top it off, she has absolutely no culinary talent, boasting the title of a buffet cook, however, we expect her to stick around just for the producer’s amusement.

robert-fatty-hells-kitchenRobert, aka Chunk. Robert managed to load himself with 400 pounds of food testing spoonfuls of chow. The result is a big ol’ Fatty who was denied a ride on the helicopter despite his team winning a round. They say the helicopter company’s liability insurance rejected his big butt from being loaded onto the aircraft for the short ride to Catalina. Chunk was then routed to the island on the ferry, only to be turned around immediately on arrival as the day of fun with Chef Ramsey had already come to an end. We generally like to support the fatty in the crowd, but Robert, who works as an actual sous chef, has yet to delight us with much of a performance.

colleen-hells-kitchenColleen, aka Clueless Professor. Colleen’s claim to fame is that she’s not an actual chef in practice, has no formal training, but instead owns her own culinary school and teaches the art of cooking to residents in Papillion, Nebraska (where? what? people actually live here? and do what? grow old watching the cows graze?). A member of the over-40 crowd, she’s bound to take on a motherly role in this household. For now, she’s taken to engaging in heated verbal battles with Chef Ramsey who has called her a crook and a thief for stealing money from her customers who were conned into paying and attending her culinary courses. She managed to both burn and leave raw a chunk of salmon during dinner service, so her usefulness has quickly faded. She should be gone any minute now, but if you hurry on over to Fox on Thursday you just might catch one of those spicy verbal tirades that she incites with Gordon.

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