AntiFatty Terrorist Alert

21Mar08

Deliciously Deceptive AntiFatty Bible I’ve always thought censorship was vile, a tool for the ignorant masses to suppress us minorities in the brilliant elite. It’s my theory that the banning of books just increases their popularity, as people tend to migrate towards such forbidden things. I, myself, once checked out The Anarchists Cookbook from the public library, with the hopes that I’d get a FBI file opened in my honour. Quel danger! But then I saw this…

A new cookbook was released, and it’s clear that this is the AntiFatty work of our enemies. The book, or bible of the unholy, is titled Deliciously Deceptive (intentionally no link), and I was appalled to see that somebody in my family actually owns this atrocious manual. Of course it was promoted to the clueless zombies that pray to that hideous beast Oprah and the cackling hens at The View, as a offering for parents to create “kid-friendly” healthy meals. The method is that it uses secret vegetable purees (which might as well be Gerber baby food), and hides them inside foods where none should be found. We’re talking beet puree hidden inside chicken nuggets. How disturbed would you be to find bloody-pink ooze had been smuggled in your McNuggets? There was a stomach-churning chocolate fondue that had been infiltrated by avocado and carrot puree. And I think the worst sin of all, a broccoli puree concealed inside chocolate brownies. Horrifying blasphemy I tell you! This is more than an insult on our FattyChow way of life, this is a direct assault on our existence.

So we urge you, our readers, our fans and our loyal patrons, to protect us from this terror! Contact your legislators, librarians, bookstores and local militia at once. It is imperative that we have this cancerous threat, this danger to humanity, removed from society!

And, btw, for anybody that thought Seinfeld was slow, dull and appealed only to the mildly retarded, you’ll find satisfaction in knowing that he’s married to this cookbook’s author.

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