FattyChow Presents… The Doritos and Donuts Diet (TM)

18Mar08

Doritos and Simpsons Donuts We’re proud to announce our all-new, highly-anticipated ultra-fashionable diet of the year – The FattyChow Doritos and Donuts Diet (TM)! The plan is simply – and so fun to do!

  1. Sign up with the FattyChow Fatties. We’ll need your name, address and bank account number.
  2. You’ll receive weekly deliveries of Doritos and Donuts.
  3. First, you should start each day with a scrumptious donut. Breakfast is, after all, the most important meal of the day. And if it’s good enough for Homer, it’s good enough for you.
  4. Next, each day you will need to set aside time for an afternoon feeding. You are to inhale as many Doritos as you need until your hands are coated in glove of cheese powder paste. Then stop and fastidiously lick fingers clean, making sure to dig out the cheesy goodness from under those fingernails, you know, as if you were on herbal meds. This counts as your aerobic exercise for the day.
  5. As with any other food policing service, we will also contact you incessantly, like irritating cheerleaders, pestering you to ensure commitment to the FattyChow diet, er, way of life. Expect encouragement like:
      Wow! Those jeans are practically falling off of you!”
      Ooh! That guy/girl/hermaphrodite/trannie/stray dog is totally checking you out!”
      You look so great, we’re going to have to take back your FattyChow t-shirt!”
  6. Of course, we will also make weekly deductions from your bank account as appropriate.

In only a few short weeks, you’ll find that the FattyChow Doritos and Donuts Diet (TM) has resulted in all you’ve come to expect from the other famous diet plans, including extra costs, extra pounds and the all-around satisfaction that you’ve squandered treasured American freedom your grandparents fought so hard to secure. Next season we’ll be testing the North Korea Diet where all you eat is endless supply of hopeless dreams coated in radioactive dirt. Volunteers wanted.

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One Response to “FattyChow Presents… The Doritos and Donuts Diet (TM)”

  1. 1 Hillary

    is this for gaining or losing weight?


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