Your 15 minutes are up

06Mar08

15 minutes stop watchIt’s my duty to inform you, Rachel Ray, that your time has come. We’ve enjoyed your 1200 episodes of 30-Minute Meals, but it’s over. We’ve exercised patience each time you’ve muttered “E-V-O-O” and “YUM-O”, resisting the overwhelming urge to kick the television. You slammed garlic and onions into everything you make. Really? Nobody, but you, buys onions by the case. We’ve rolled our eyes a hundred times for every ice cream sundae you passed off as “dessert”. Poured buckets of hot sauce into each egg dish imaginable. Every raw, bleeding steak that took such a brief trip on the stove, it actually walked itself over to the serving plate. We watched your traveling and chomping around the globe. We were once entertained by your $40/day budgeting, but can’t believe you overlooked free food opportunities like Costco sample day. We see your self-promoting knives, then pots and pans. I get it. You like orange. Buy a bigger box of Crayolas.

Then you wandered over to the networks and landed your face spots on the morning news fluff. Please, everyone, stop shoving food in Al Roker’s mouth. It’s nauseating. And then apparently it wasn’t enough, as you felt the need to do more. We see you moved to a daily daytime talk show, because we can’t possibly have enough mundane opportunities to listen to débutante celebrities diatribe on their latest projects. Most recently we’ve seen your promotion for a food special on making treats for your pets. Well, thats it, kid. I will not support canine cooking. Dogs eat their own shit, so it seems a little ridiculous to roll it in breadcrumbs and bake it in the oven. Pets consume whatever falls on the floor – period. So this is your last warning, Rachel. Dial it down a notch. We need you to step back and give your jaw a break from all that yammering. I won’t go so far as to join the Rachel Ray Sux site yet, but the minute we see another ridiculous ego-boosting, over-exposed and self-righteous pointless promotion you’ll find yourself on The List.

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